I can't even begin to define what the last year has done to my life. I think about life a year ago today and it doesn't even resemble the life I know today. The profound loss' that I have suffered have morphed me into someone I don't really even recognize anymore. I know that life changes and that is the only constant but I just couln't imagine what that would mean in the context of where my life would go. I thought normal things would happen, sure. But all of this? Never, not in a million years. And I ask myself on a daily basis, how do I go on? I draw my stregnth from God and from my family, but somedays...somedays its soo overwhelming. And when I feel like that I begin to Ad-Lib...not good for me to do because I'm not the best decison maker even though I always have the best of intentions. My mother use to say that the road to hell was paved with good intentions...if that is the case I know that mine is paved in gold because I never want to hurt anyone, I want to help everyone and I want everyone else to have a good life, and I always think I will be able to be there for everyone and make up for everything...just not sure that I am capable.
At the end of the day I guess I just want to say that my intentions are never to hurt people or cause havoc, and when I tell people I love them I mean it. I am sorry for the wrongs I have done even in the name for right, because I guess there is no right way to do the wrong thing. I hope that the world can find forgiveness in someone like me and know that I only wanted to do good at the end of the day.
